Friday, October 25, 2013

The "D" Word..... DATING!!!!

A main thing that I have been pondering about lately is the theory of dating. As I have attended class and have realized the important purposes of life, I have gained a realization that the whole concept of dating is a great concept to think about and participate in. For the past few years, I have been kind of skeptical about the whole notion of doing it because of specific perceptions that I felt uncomfortable with, but dating isn't as bad as it really seems. The consensus that I have come to is that guys and girls are all in this experience together, and that both parties are only trying to find that special one that they could spend eternity with. We will never find that unique person unless we test the waters and assess our options. Sometimes people may feel that dating is pointless, and that we are only spending money on someone elses wife, but if that is the only mindset that that person has, then they are one sided, and not allowing for joy and experience to illuminate their life. When one goes on dates and perfects their skill, then they are able to better know the opposite gender and prepare themselves for the next future steps of engagement and marriage. We have to allow for dating to help us better our understanding and give us light and knowledge on the type of people that we want to become, so that we may be better husbands and wives when the time is right.

Friday, October 18, 2013

LOVE!!

    As a Latter Day Saint, I rely heavily on the Spirit of Revelation to lead my life on a daily basis. As I read inspired words, they give me a sense of self fulfillment in allowing me to see the fullness of life. I love the saying which states very candidly, "People don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care." With that being said, some may ask, "Well that is all fine and dandy and everything, but how does it really apply to the concept of marriage and family?" In writing this, I declare that in a relationship, no matter if it is a relationship with your spouse, or a bond with a child, we unflinchingly have to be the example in showing our love to them, for them to really allow for the full effect of our righteous lives to shine in their lives. If we want happiness in this life, then we have to be the leader, in our own way, to show them true and abiding love. There will be many opportunities to teach those in our families, but unless we first show an undivided interest in them, or an absolute sense of gratitude for them, then no profound impact from us will be radiated, to its fullness. It comes back to the whole concept of how "Actions Speak Louder Than Words." Love itself is not just a  warm fuzzy feeling that comes when two like each other, nor is it just a feeling of peace and serenity in a union. If you love someone, then you are going to put that concept into action. You are going to give graciously to those when they are in need and succor them when they feel down. Love is a life that is charitable and it testifies that as one gives more than they receive, then there is promised joy that is eminent to be.
     

Thursday, October 10, 2013

The Study of Cohabitation

This week I finished up a 3-4 page argumentative essay (which actually turned out to be 5 pages) on the study of Cohabitation. Last week I described kind of the spiritual and temporal effects that cohabitation has on the family, today I want to post a scholarly understanding of how cohabitation is a devastating force sweeping across continents.   (HERE IT IS!!)



The Destructive Nature of Cohabitation
Evidence is evidence, and when it becomes fact, there is no denial of its authenticity. In recent years it has become strikingly obvious that the disintegration of the family is becoming more prevalent on a daily basis. The joys of life are blockaded as all nations cease to teach correct moral principles, such as life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Those precise principles are essential in our individual communities, which allow our society to become unified in public virtue.  If this unity is not present in our neighborhoods, then we, as individuals, are more prone to choose a path in life that ultimately leads to unhappiness. When accurate values are clarified, especially in the family unit, we know of a surety that we can find strength in doing what is right. One trend that is giving way to more and more sorrow these days is a vacuum that is relentlessly sucking many people into its grasp. Cohabitation is a form of destruction because it allows us to think that it is acceptable to live together with someone of the opposite sex before marriage, it skews our morals by not allowing us to think clearly on what our whole purpose of this life really is, and it incapacitates the perception of todays youth.
Today, people living together without commitment is becoming the normal way of life. There are inherent consequences that come when two people cohabit before marriage. It can be seen that when a couple lives together, they are burdened with roadblocks that stand in the path of finding joy and pleasure in this life. Some examples of such roadblocks are those that lead to emotional and physical stresses, and also that of psychological health. With that knowledge, we can add that the biggest trial of premarital habitation is when individuals lose the desire to give their all to the person they like. This such problem deals with both repeated inatequacies.  The whole purpose of marriage is the process of two individuals taking upon themselves a covenant to love one other unconditionally. If that is not the foundation, then what is?  Lustful desires of the heart? A relationship that one wants to obtain, but has no desire to commit to? If that is the only reasoning in wanting to obtain a partner, then how is happiness truly going to be on the forefront of the mind continually? When people marry, the final result that presents itself is a committed union in which their whole lives are in unison to live and prosper. That is the kind of life that gives way to increased joy. In an article titled “The Verdict on Cohabitation vs. Marriage,” the author describes this understanding very well when he says:
Marriage by definition means, ”I will always be here for you.” Marrieds long-term contract encourages emotional investment in the relationship. In contrast, cohabitation for most seems to mean, ”I will be here only as long as the relationship meets my needs” (Larson, 2001, p. 9)
So what is the antidote for this grand dilemma? It is to allow for selfishness to be extinguished and true selflessness to be exemplified. If so, self-sacrifice will represent the opportunity of insignificant petty differences to be overcome and an increased desire to love your partner and seek after his or her best will to be magnified. If one does not perform such a routine, then the desire of that person’s heart is in the wrong place, and morally he or she is choosing the wrong path. The right path, on the other hand, is one that guides and directs our personal lives in helping us obtain the knowledge and understanding of life.
So what is the purpose of life, and why is it important to keep in mind such strict standards when it comes to a relationship? Life is full of decisions, and as we choose the path that leads to abiding happiness, we begin to see that morals begin to ingrain themselves in us to provide strength and encouragement to keep strong. As morals are lived and taught, the blessings of goodness begin to come in due time. We start to recognize that love is real and that actions speak louder than words. In the book Covenant Hearts, the author declares candidly a basic point of life that, if applied, will bring a greater self-fulfillment. He states,
“Still while marriage is difficult, and discordant and frustrated marriages are common, yet real, lasting happiness is possible, and marriage can be more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive. This is within the reach of every couple, every person . . . if both are willing to pay the price” (Hafen, 2005).
In understanding this idea, what is the price we have to pay, and how does it really bring so much joy?  As declared by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, in The Family: A Proclamation to the World, we learn that “successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities” (Presidency, 1995). The price that is paid as we follow this declaration will help build marriages and give people the knowledge of how lives are meant to be lived. Some may say with such candor that there is no specific way to live ones life, or in other words, that there is no such purpose of life, but that is all out blasphemy, especially when it comes to such grand decisions that will have a multi lifetime effect. In the consensus of one trying to disprove that cohabitation is ok, we can recognize that everyone is different and all people have different ways of perceiving existence, but no matter what choice you make, there is always a consequence that will follow; both good or bad. Those that are making such a deep decision of life should always remember that they are not only affecting their own lives, but the lives of their posterities for generations to come.
           It is important to realize that the perception of todays youth is very important. When all is said and done, the most important teaching experiences that will ever produce an impact on the future of the world will be within the walls of our homes. The choices that each family member makes determines the way that civilizations turn out. Families are what build communities, communities are what build neighborhoods, neighborhoods are what build states, and it replicates over and over until nations and the whole population of the world is created. It is true that families are the most important society on the face of the whole earth. As mothers and fathers, the realization comes when we understand how much of an impact immoral and unethical principles, no matter how insignificant we may think they may be, tend to demoralize and destroy the very fabric of society. If there is any desire left in the hearts of men to keep public virtue and individual sanity in place, then correct morals are a necessity and cannot be waived or become a thing of naught. It starts in the very behaviors of parents and children in each home. When the correct behavior is established then we will be able to see the fruits of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness prevail. In the Journal of Marriage and Family, we learn that “children in two-biological-parent cohabiting families and cohabiting stepfamilies exhibit significantly more behavioral and emotional problems than children living with two biological married parents, controlling for children’s characteristics” (Brown, 2004, p. 357). In taking this perspective and applying it to everyday life, the evidence that is shown is broadcast through all nations and countries. We as a human family need to stop destroying our lives by destroying the most important bond that can be obtained in this life, marriage.
In declaring these realities, there is an increased need for men and women on this earth to take the incentive to give themselves in marriage before they think about going the distance of living together or having children. The reason for such a statement, is so morally they can recognize the importance of giving their all, and not just increments of themselves. Their lives, and many other lives will be blessed, because, through it, they will recognize the importance of life and how marriage is the union that binds families together. Lastly, they will feel the need to be an example to their posterities so emotional and behavioral problems will not arise, but that lives will be lived in celestial spledor.

Reference Page


(Brown, S. L. (2004). Family structure and child wellbeing: the significance of parental cohabitation. Journal of Marriage and Family, 66(2), 351-367

(Hafen, B. C. (2005). Covenant hearts: Marriage and the joy of human love. Salt Lake City, Utah: Deseret Book.

(Larson, J. H. (2001). The verdict on cohabitation vs. marriage. Marriage and Families, 4(1), 7-12.

Presidency, F. Council of Twelve Apostles (1995, November), The family: A proclamation to the world.


Friday, October 4, 2013

The Study of Cohabitation

In the past week, I have been flooding my intellect with the overabundant statistics of Cohabitation. It is both understandable and obvious at how living together, before the bond of matrimony, has such a negative impact on the lives of those who practice it. The number one thing that I have realized, in my whole study, is that everyone, no matter who they are, has an unalienable right to make choices. It is a God given gift for the strengthening of our personal understanding of life. The thing is though, that no matter what choice that person makes, either good or bad, ultimately determines the consequence that inescapably follows. It is true that there happen to be specific laws in this life governing time and eternity. The person that has the audacity to go against such laws will inevitably find discord and unhappiness sneaking into their individual lives. In relating back to cohabitation, the prophets in this dispensation have taught that, "Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of his children."They also teach that, "Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets." So to sum all this up in a nutshell. If we allow the natural man to take over our lives, we will not find the happiness that we truly desire. Cohabitation skews our perceptions from following the will of God and points our life in the direction of following our natural desires. To expound on this point, I use a quote given by a nationally recocnized scholar on family relationships. In his book, The verdict on cohabitation vs. marriage, Jeffry H. Larson describes his thoughts on the institution of the family. He states, ". “Marriage by definition means, ‘I will always be here for you.’ Marrieds long-term contract encourages emotional investment in the relationship. In contrast, cohabitation for most seems to mean, “I will be here only as long as the relationship meets my needs.” If one desires happiness he cant only think about his desires but all the lives that he will effect by the long term choices he will make. Marriage is essential for true and abiding happiness.


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Presidency, F. Council of Twelve Apostles (1995, November), The family: A proclamation to the world.


 (Larson, J. H. (2001). The verdict on cohabitation vs. marriage. Marriage and Families, 4(1), 7-12.