Thursday, December 12, 2013

So this is a final end result of a research paper that I did this past semester at BYU- Idaho. There is a post already of this in its infant stages... Here it is!!




The Destructive Nature of Cohabitation
Brandon Wade Stone
Brigham Young University-Idaho
Foundations English 201
Professor Shaffer
December 9, 2013




Abstract
This essay is a declaration of how cohabitation is destroying the family unit. In our society the destruction of the family is a very evident part of modern living. In these days, people take good to be bad and bad to be good. The desensitization of man’s morals are giving way to lustful desires and a great lack of commitment. When those feelings are present in specific societal unions, unhappiness and resentment will always follow. Marriage is essential to lifelong happiness and will bring joy if the two commit to be unified together through a covenant.  When no bond is present, one simply thinks that there is no obligation to stay. This attitude is a falsity. Cohabitation is a devastating factor in peoples’ lives because it desecrates the concept of marriage, and it leads to the destruction of the family.





                                                  The Destructive Nature of Cohabitation
In recent years, it has become extraordinarily obvious that the disintegration of the family is becoming more prevalent on a day-to day-basis. The joys of life are blockaded as all nations cease to teach correct moral principles, including life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Those principles are essential in our separate communities, which allow our society to become unified in public virtue.  If this unity is not present in our neighborhoods, then we, as individuals, are more prone to choose a path in life that ultimately leads to unhappiness. When accurate values are clarified, especially in the family unit, we can know with a surety that we will find strength in doing what is right. One trend that is giving way to more and more sorrow today is a vacuum that is relentlessly sucking many people into its grasp. Cohabitation is the culprit. Marriage and family becomes artificial when people live together by not giving themselves fully to their partner, in allowing leeway for communication to be corrupted, in offering away personal virtue before a commitment is made, and for being an example of teaching filth to future generations. This ultimate predicament breeds a dismal picture for the soon-to-be family. 
In years that have come and gone, the number of people that have given themselves fully to their companions has dropped drastically. In a recent study that was performed by the National Center for Family and Marriage Research, we learn that, “the percentage of women ages 19-44 who have ever cohabited has increased by 75% over the past 20 years. In 1987, one-third of women had ever cohabited, and in 2006-2008, over half (58%) had ever cohabited” (Manning, 2010, para. 2). With that in mind we can understand the evidences of the day that teach us that our generation is rapidly changing. For many years the mindset of creating a family meant that one would date, court, propose, then marry. Now the common practice is to take tradition and throw it out of the proverbial window. For much of today’s society, the value of a test drive is the way to take a relationship “head on.” For several individuals, the feelings of pleasure and instant gratification are the grounds by which joy and happiness breed. To the general populous of the world, those feelings bring the same satisfactions that marriage does. Everyday people all over the world are trying to define the correct concept of what marriage is and why it is even important. Some agree that living together is a form of marriage and is perfectly fine because no matter how you obtain the individual companionship, in the end, everything will ultimately work out. Others judge that when it comes to obtaining a partnership, there is absolutely no need for a marriage because all it does is bind you down and yoke you to an obligation that might not even work out in the end. As quoted in an article titled “Cohabitation May Not Be Harmful to Parenting,” the author declares: “Just as so many of us have learned to make marriages work without the support of a religious community, we can probably manage partnerships without a wedding” (Sandler, 2013, p. 137). Along those same lines, Solot and Miller (2006) came to an equal conclusion that “living together is a logical way to experience a relationship without making a lifelong commitment” (p. 78).  In recognizing those points of view, many think that it is easier to just live with someone and not be committed to the relationship, and be able to leave whenever one feels the need to. Even though those things may be true for some, the feelings of instant gratification will only last for a second and then heartache will prevail. Through research on this topic it has been found that living together is not a great idea after all. According to the author of Cohabitation Increases the Risk of Divorce we learn that “couples who choose to live together may begin their cohabiting relationships too quickly and with a weaker sense of commitment than married couples do” (Staal, 2006, p. 85). Over years, many peoples’ perceptions of practicality have been skewed in relating back to what real happiness is. True happiness does not just come through a thoughtless act, but a true lifelong commitment. Morals are not something that surrender to public opinion, nor do they allow for man to judge what is right or wrong in a society. Laws governing this earth are decreed on strict adherence to such morals. No matter what choice we make in this life, there will undoubtedly be a consequence that follows, either good or bad.  If commitment in a marriage or giving oneself totally to a spouse is neglected in any small degree, then the nature of marriage will be desecrated and family unity will be on the brink of destruction.
The giving of oneself fully in today’s society is a concept that is diminishing rapidly. The decay in society is nonetheless harmful, but unavoidably getting worse. It is sad to note that peoples’ understandings of the way true happiness should spawn is not the way that it always does. The key to overcoming such pit falls in life is relying on the genuine concept of communication.
Communication is key when it comes to relating to happiness in a man and woman’s life. One of the saddest tragedies that is seen, in the grand scheme of cohabitation, is the lack of openness between the man and woman. It is essential that we talk about important ethics, so that both people will understand each others’ desires and grasp the expectations of the other person. In the process of talking things out, instead of being fools that rush in, the man and woman are able to comprehend the needs and necessities of the other person, and in due time, those needs will be met. Over millennia the lessons of life have given understanding to what we should do to have happy marriages. When we look at the Bible, one of the greatest historical records of all time, we can see that the lack of understanding between people in a society leads those to destruction. A great example of that would be David and Bathsheba. David coveted in his heart to have her. She was married, but he did everything in his power to make sure that she became his wife. In the end, the decision he made was one that he regretted for the rest of his life. We can open the book of Psalms and read his dictations and see how his heart wrenched for the mistake that he had made. When we understand this story in the context of communication, we would be smart to realize that those feelings of self-despair and lifelong unhappiness could have been halted by a simple love of the person, and modest communication between the two. In that moment of time, he was that fool that rushed in and didn’t allow for common sense to take effect. His compulsive desires were to coax her to lay with him. She knew that she was married, and so did he. The communication was not evident, neither were the brains. On the other hand when two are able to come together and talk things out, then both sides begin to realize each other’s desires. In the book titled Marriage and Family: A Quest for Intimacy, it states that “effective communication is essential to a successful relationship, but it doesn’t seem to come naturally or easily. It takes determination and effort. Effective communication requires commitment and hard work for the duration of the relationship” (Lauer & Lauer, 2012, p. 211). If we put to action our thoughts and work towards having a happy life, then we will notice the decisions and actions we will need to take to accomplish our ultimate goals. In the book titled Covenant Hearts, the author declares boldly a basic statement of life that, if applied, will bring a greater self-fulfillment to those searching for a companionship. He states,
Still while marriage is difficult, and discordant and frustrated marriages are common, yet real, lasting happiness is possible, and marriage can be more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive. This is within the reach of every couple, every person . . . if both are willing to pay the price. (Hafen, 2005)
So what is the price that needs to be paid? As declared by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, in The Family: A Proclamation to the World, we learn that “successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities” (First Presidency, 1995, para. 7). The fundamental principles that we obtain as we follow these words will cause within us great desires to become one with our companion, and life as we know it will tailor satisfaction as the end result. It seems that in all things, to have any such attributes toward another person we need to know where they stand, and communicate expectations between each other often, that is where joy is found.
            Communication is important. It is the channel by which we can understand the other person. When taking this into consideration, it is great to know where the other person stands both morally and ethically. In communicating and coming to know of another’s goals, we can realize if they are in the association for the long run, or if this is a chance to offer away personal virtue.
 So what is the problem in giving away our personal virtue before a commitment is made? What is the problem in living such a life that fulfills our indulgences? In the minds of nearly everyone on this earth, sex is the main goal for all to achieve. It is a way to release and get rid of stress. It is the means by which gratifications are fulfilled, and life is lived to the fullness. So why not live with someone that will fulfill those desires before marriage? When pondering about this subject, research from a national survey comes to mind. In evaluating families and households on why people do and do not cohabit, we learn that cohabiting is good because it comes with a better sex life than dating, and it does not require as much sexual faithfulness as marriage (Stern, 1987). Those points are all "fine and dandy" in their eyes, but--in the grand scheme of things--the claim that they propose is soiled. There is no logical proof or credibility to their argument. Why would any person on the face of this earth want to treat another person, especially one that you “love,” as a rag doll? That is not love; that is lust--lust in its fullness. People are not sex toys that one can pervert in a time of need. They are living, breathing human beings who have consciences. Some may say, “Well that’s not the reasoning behind why I want sex. I want it so that I can build a strong relationship with another person.” If that is the case, get married. Take upon yourself the commitment and make it legitimate. Also, relationships are not affiliations that are solely caught up in physical gratification. They are the means by which love is to be exemplified. In them, we show our care to the other person, and their physical and emotional health. In a study performed in 2000, we learn that after cohabitation has been performed, “Annual rates of depression among cohabiting couples are more than three times what they are among married couples” (as cited in Fitzgibbons, 2011, para. 11). With that, we also come to know that “women cohabiting relationships are more likely to suffer physical and sexual abuse than married women” (as cited in Fitzgibbons, 2011, para. 12). So in truth, is that really true love? Would you rather shoot yourself in the foot by allowing morals to decline, or would you rather take into consideration virtue and not go through the emotional and ethical roller coaster at a latter time? In recent research, we have come to a consensus that all the evidence that has been found dealing with living together points in the unanimous direction of unhappiness, and the final result of personal ills that present themselves in the lives of those that condone the actions. In a study presented by a professor of sociology, Larry Bumpass, Ph.D., declared candidly that “the generally accepted wisdom--that living together helps determine whether the relationship is meant to be--may be erroneous. In fact, numerous studies have shown the opposite to be true” (as cited in Staal, 2006, p. 87). He then went on to mention that “divorce is higher--about 50 percent higher--among those who live together before marriage” (p. 87). One may say that virtue has no real purpose in why two cohabit, but honestly, the true reality is that sex is one of the main reasons why two begin their cohabiting relationship in the first place. If many were willing to listen, allowing wisdom to enlighten their minds, then sorrow--in its fullness--could be halted. Take the smart way out and use common sense to realize that the instant decision you make to demoralize yourself could lead to harsh consequences in the future. When common sense is used to give efficacy to peoples’ thoughts and actions, especially in the deep decisions of companionship, then eminently personal virtue will be on the top their minds, and more logical decisions will be made.
As personal virtue is taken into consideration, and is thought about with logic and morals in mind, then we can feel confident in teaching our children about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. If that is not the case, then teaching is going to be more difficult and many important realities may be taken in the wrong context.
Joy and prosperity will ultimately come when the concept of teaching is exemplified in the family unit. One of the harshest misconceptions is the thought in cohabiting couples’ minds that their actions only affect themselves; it is selfish to believe in such a lie. Our examples as parents and leaders in our individual unions will shape the very lives of every member of our families. As mothers and fathers, or soon to be parents, we need to make it a goal to understand how much of an impact the choices we make now will determine the ways that our children, grandchildren and even great-grandchildren will live their lives.  In an article titled “Marriage Should Unite one man and one Woman,” the author presents us with some very bold statistics when he says,
An overwhelming body of social science data has established that America’s greatest social problems--violent crime, welfare dependency, and child poverty--track more closely with family disintegration than they do with any other social variable, including race and income level. (2006, p.98)
That figure is astounding. Immoral and unethical principles, no matter how insignificant we think they may be, tend to demoralize and destroy the very fabric of society. In relating to this subject, Susan Brown, a woman who wrote an article in the journal of marriages declares that “children in two-biological-parent cohabiting families and cohabiting stepfamilies exhibit significantly more behavioral and emotional problems than children living with two biological married parents” (Brown, 2004, para. 29). When all is said and done, the most important teaching experiences that will ever produce an impact on the future of the world will be within the walls of our homes. The choices that each family member makes, determines the way that civilizations turn out. In an article titled “Cohabitation is a Viable Lifestyle Choice,” we learn that
In California, Amy Lesen’s parents divorced when she was a child, and her father went on to have a 20-year-and- counting relationship without being married. Today, Amy says she does not want to marry her partner… “I think that it drove a point home to me that [marriage] does not really matter,” she said. (Solot & Miller, 2006, p. 78)
In all reality, her point of view sounds logical, but it could not be farther from the truth. Her mind is so much caught up in herself and her own well being that she is not thinking about her family/ future family. Families are what build communities, communities are what build neighborhoods, neighborhoods are what build states, and it replicates over and over until nations and the whole population of the world is created. If we applied the lessons that she learned to every family of the earth, then the families of the world would be desecrated. Taking into consideration all of the research that has been performed on this subject of cohabitation, the end result would be disastrous. It is true that families are the most important society on the face of the whole earth. If there is any desire left in the hearts of men to keep public virtue and individual sanity in place, then correct morals are a necessity and cannot be waived or become a thing of naught. “Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony. They are to be reared by a mother and father who honor marital vows with complete fidelity” (First Presidency, 1995, para. 7). There should never be a time that a mother or father should neglect their responsibilities. As parents we teach by example.
In declaring these realities, there is an increased need for men and women on this earth to take the incentive to give themselves in marriage before they think about going the distance of living together or having children. The reason for such a statement is so they do not cheat themselves of a prosperous and productive life, a life that is filled with love toward the other sex, future or current children, and many, many generations for years to come. Also, in considering these people, this assertion is expounded so, morally, many can recognize the importance of giving their all, and not just increments of themselves. Their trust in each other will be built upon a more firm foundation, especially as communication is exemplified. Their lives, and many other lives will be blessed, because, through it, they will recognize the importance of virtue and how true marriages and families are built upon the grounds of morals in society. And lastly, they will feel the need to be an example to their posterities so emotional and behavioral problems will not arise, but that lives will be lived in celestial splendor. In conclusion, there is a better way to live than with a member of the opposite sex before marriage. The better way is caring enough for the other person in such a way that one would not want any destructive thing to happen to him or her. As a society, we need to remember that love will set us free from unhappiness and that cohabitation will only put us in the bondage that no person wants.









References Page
Alliance for Marriage (2006). Marriage Should Unite One Man and One Woman. In M.E. Williams (Ed.), SEX (p. 98). Farmington Hills, MI: Greenhaven.
Brown, S. L. (2004). Family structure and child wellbeing: The significance of parental cohabitation. Journal of Marriage and Family, 66(2), 351-367.
Fitzgibbons, R. P. (2011). The risks of cohabitation. Marital Healing. Retrieved from http://www.maritalhealing.com/conflicts/risksofcohabitation.php
Hafen, B. C. (2005). Covenant hearts: Marriage and the joy of human love. Salt Lake City, Utah: Deseret Book.
Lauer, R. H., & Lauer, J. C. (2012). Marriage and family: The quest for intimacy. New York, NY: McGraw Hill.
Manning,W. D. (2010). Trends in cohabitation: Twenty years of change, 1987-2008. National Center for Family and Marriage Research. Retrieved from http://ncfmr.bgsu.edu/pdf/family_profiles/file87411.pdf
Presidency, F. Council of Twelve Apostles (1995), The family: A proclamation to the world. Retrieved from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints website: https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation
Sandler, L. (2013). Cohabitation May Not Be Harmful to Parenting. In R. Espejo, (Ed.), Parenting (p.137). Farmington Hills, MI: Greenhaven Press.
Solot, D., & Miller, M. (2006). Cohabitation Is a Viable Lifestyle Choice. In M. E. Williams (Ed.), SEX (p. 78). Farmington Hills, MI: Greenhaven.
Staal, S. (2006). Cohabitation Increases the Risk of Divorce. In M. E. Williams (Ed.), SEX (p.87). Farmington Hills, MI: Greenhaven.
Stern, S. (1987). National Surveys of Families and Households on Why People Cohabit and do not cohabit. Website Name Goes Here. Retrieved from http://people.virginia.edu/~sns5r/ resint/ structstf/nsfhfiles/nsfh.html




Thursday, December 5, 2013

Time and Effort

A few things that have been on my mind this past week are necessities that members of a family need to have to have joy and happiness in their individual relationships. My mind has been caught up in the concept of love and the great need for it in these days. I hope that anything I say today will sink deep into your heart. I pray that it will be taken with your undivided attention. The family is the greatest unit in time and eternity. No other failure in this life will bring more unhappiness, then failure in the home. It is essential that we love our families unconditionally and allow them to know of our care on a daily basis. Never give up on them no matter what circumstances you are in. When giving your undivided attention to them, make sure that the time you spend with them, and the effort that you give to the relationship is with gratitude and greatfulness. I have learned that as we give thanks to our family for all that they do, and do so with true conviction, then they will KNOW that we love them. The time that you take out of your day, and the effort that you give in a relationship will either make or break a relationship. If you do take time out of your day to tell them or show them that you love them, then they will comprehend your love on a deeper level, then if you were to do nothing at all. Also, the relationship that you have with those persons will strengthen and they will be so grateful for your adherence to them. Actions speak louder then words. Love is not something that just pops out of thin air, but is something that is created between two or more people. If your relationship is to expand, then you need to show care through the effort and time you give in a relationship. It will bear fruit. The more time and effort you give to a relationship, the better the fruit will be.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Am I my Brothers Keeper?

When it comes to a family relationship, we need to constantly be striving to boost up our family and help them see their full potential in this life. Some may ask, "Am I my Brothers Keeper"? YES!!! You are the one that should help them to stay on the straight and narrow path and keep the commandments. God has given us the wonderful opportunity in the family to have checks and balances. If one person is having a rough time, or choosing the wrong path, then there are others in the family that care enough to help them realize their destructive course, and give them guidance to point them in the right direction. Some may decide that in some families that there are no morally strong people that reside in a family. While that is true in some cases, every family has at least one person that knows an increment of truth. That truth may have been borne to them through someone else's actions, or through trial and error on their own behalf. Even when people may think that they are being a hypocrite, it never hurts to tell another family member that if they are commencing in a plan of action that will incapacitate them spiritually or morally, then there will undoubtedly be consequences that will follow. Some people may say, well is there really a right direction in this life, and does it really matter? My answer is a resounding YES!! There is a correct direction to go and it makes all the difference in a families life in which path that person travels. If a member of the family chooses a path that leads to unhappiness, then they will most definitely reap unhappiness. The same is true in the opposite direction. My invitation to all is to always build and never destroy. Give liberally and never burn bridges. Love your family not desecrate them. In due time you will see that your family relationship will be joined more closely with happiness, and- in reality- unity will abound. Hopefully over the decades, each member of the family will realize that joy is real, and that it can be felt at home. It is one thing that doesn't have to come and go; it can stay forever.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

The Family: So Essential For Happiness

This weeks blog is going to be one that I wouldn't naturally do on a post like this, but I think that it is necessary. As I have been studying the scriptures, and have been taking classes on marriage and family I have been noticing a difference in my attitude towards my family. Suffice it to say that for the longest time I have had a bad attitude about how our family has been divided in spiritual matters, but so close in physical terms. I have always strived to put my family first and to love them with an unconditional love, but the spirituality in our family has been one thing that has held me back from accomplishing my desire. I have learned over time that no matter what our family circumstances are we need to love them no matter what they believe, or how they live their life. Our families are so important. If we want them to ever obtain the happiness and joy that God has established for all of his children, then we have to love them, and be a righteous example to them daily. The very way we live our lives is the very key to helping them come closer to established truth. When they see the example that is lived by their son, daughter/ brother, sister,  then they will begin to realize why changing is important and sooner or later gain the desire for themselves to change. I love my family so very much. I know they know I do, but I want them to be happy. I desire nothing more then for us to someday enter into the temple of our God and be sealed by the new and everlasting covenant of marriage for time and eternity. It is vital that if that desire is to be, then I need to be the example to them. My expressions need to be full of love and charity with an eye single to the glory of God. I need to serve them graciously and help them to realize their full potential. My family has every opportunity to be happy now and for eons to come. With all this being said, I desire for all that reads this blog to pick up your phone and call your mom and dad/ brother and sister and tell them of your love for them. I know that as you do this, you will begin to realize the very feelings that I have for my family, and you will then desire for them to come closer to God and do everything necessary to return to him someday.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

"Test Drive" vs. True Happiness

In our world people believe that living together is the way to go. The value of a test drive, to many, is the way to take a relationship “head on.” For several individuals, the feelings of pleasure and instant gratification are the grounds by which joy and happiness breed. To the general populous of the world, those feelings bring the same satisfactions that marriage does. Everyday people all over the world are trying to define the correct concept of what marriage is and why it is even important. Some agree that living together is a form of marriage and is perfectly fine because no matter how you obtain the individual companionship, in the end, everything will ultimately work out. Others judge that when it comes to obtaining a partnership, there is absolutely no need for a marriage because all it does is bind you down and yoke you to an obligation that might not even work out in the end. As quoted in an article titled “Cohabitation May Not Be Harmful to Parenting,” the author declares: “Just as so many of us have learned to make marriages work without the support of a religious community, we can probably manage partnerships without a wedding” (Sandler, 2013). Along those same lines, Solot and Miller came to an equal conclusion that “living together is a logical way to experience a relationship without making a lifelong commitment" (Solot, & Miller, 2006 p.78).  In recognizing those points of view, we can see that it makes sense that people would think that just because marriage is a possibility, does not mean that it is an obligation to make the promise. It is easier to just live with someone and not be committed to the relationship, be able to leave whenever you feel the need to, and also have the sexual intimacy at your own discretion. Even though those things may be true for some, the feelings of instant gratification will only last for a second and then heartache will prevail. Through research on this topic it has been found that living together is not a great idea after all. Many peoples’ perceptions of practicality have been skewed in relating back to real happiness. Morals are not something that surrender to public opinion, nor do they allow for man to judge what is right, or wrong in a society. Laws governing this earth are decreed on strict adherence to such morals. No matter what choice we make in this life, there will undoubtedly be a consequence that follows, either good or bad.  If commitment becomes weak among generations, or if sex is the only thing that is on peoples’ minds, then the nature of marriage will be desecrated and family unity will be on the brink of destruction.
Marriage in today’s society is a concept that is diminishing rapidly. The decay in society is nonetheless harmful, but unavoidably getting worse. In past research, we have come to a consensus that all the evidence that has been found dealing with living together points in the unanimous direction of unhappiness and the final result of personal ills that present themselves in the lives of those that condone the actions. In a study presented by a professor of sociology, Larry Bumpass, Ph.D., declared candidly that, “the generally accepted wisdom- that living together helps determine whether the relationship is meant to be- may be erroneous. In fact, numerous studies have shown the opposite to be true” (Stahl, 2006). He then went on to mention that, “divorce is higher- about 50 percent higher- among those who live together before marriage” (2006). 
In another article titled “Marriage should unite one man and one woman”, the author presents us with some very bold statistics when he says,
  An overwhelming body of social science data has established that America’s greatest social problems- violent crime, welfare dependency, and child poverty- track more closely with family disintegration than they do with any other social variable, including race and income level. (Alliance for Marriage 2006)
It is sad to note that peoples’ understandings of the way true happiness should spawn is not the way that it always does. The key to overcoming such pit falls in life is relying on the genuine concept of “work.” It has been proven that over hundreds of years, the lessons of life have given understanding to what we should do to have happy marriages. If we put to action our thoughts and work towards having a happy life, then we will notice the decisions and actions we will need to take to accomplish our goals. In the book titled Covenant Hearts, the author declares boldly a basic statement of life that, if applied, will bring a greater self-fulfillment to those searching for a companionship. He states,
Still while marriage is difficult, and discordant and frustrated marriages are common, yet real, lasting happiness is possible, and marriage can be more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive. This is within the reach of every couple, every person . . . if both are willing to pay the price. (Hafen, 2005)

So what is the price that needs to be payed? As declared by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, in The Family: A Proclamation to the World we learn that, “successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities” (First Presidency, 1995 para. 7). The fundamental principles that we obtain as we follow these inspired words will cause within us great desires to become one with our companion, and life as we know it will tailor satisfaction as the end result. When the family comes into play, the important thing to remember is that if we are to have a successful family, then our marriage will need to be successful. If that is not the case, then the family is doomed to utter destruction.

Friday, November 1, 2013

Oppositions in a Relationship

What is life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness in a family relationship?
   
     When it comes to knowing that the family is the most important society on the face of the whole earth, we can know that it is God working in our units to build us up and strengthen our bonds. It is essential to realize that when it comes to the family and the importance of it in the whole eternal scheme of things, that righteousness in the home and prosperity in the family yields joy and peace in those persons lives. I have come to major understanding in my life that if we want happiness, then we are going to need to keep the commandments of God and overcome our natural tendencies. Every member of the family makes choices which either lead to happiness or despair. We need to realize that as we make those choices, a consequence comes that we can not determine. If it is a good choice then it builds and fortifies our relationship with those that are present in our lives, and if we choose to do something bad then we will ultimately perpetuate a bad example and the trust in our relationships will diminish. I love the concept of how positive actions yield true miracles. When we live our lives in accordance to Gods will and build our family up, then we can recognize that the constant changes for good are gratified and love will most definately compounded on itself. Individual choices are so essential to every happiness that we obtain in this life, and on the contrary if that person does not follow the guidance and council of God then there will be a lack of unity and joy in the vast relationship as a whole.
 
    Keep the Commandments of God! Trust in his power to build and fortify the family relationship!!
It works, I promise!!!

Friday, October 25, 2013

The "D" Word..... DATING!!!!

A main thing that I have been pondering about lately is the theory of dating. As I have attended class and have realized the important purposes of life, I have gained a realization that the whole concept of dating is a great concept to think about and participate in. For the past few years, I have been kind of skeptical about the whole notion of doing it because of specific perceptions that I felt uncomfortable with, but dating isn't as bad as it really seems. The consensus that I have come to is that guys and girls are all in this experience together, and that both parties are only trying to find that special one that they could spend eternity with. We will never find that unique person unless we test the waters and assess our options. Sometimes people may feel that dating is pointless, and that we are only spending money on someone elses wife, but if that is the only mindset that that person has, then they are one sided, and not allowing for joy and experience to illuminate their life. When one goes on dates and perfects their skill, then they are able to better know the opposite gender and prepare themselves for the next future steps of engagement and marriage. We have to allow for dating to help us better our understanding and give us light and knowledge on the type of people that we want to become, so that we may be better husbands and wives when the time is right.

Friday, October 18, 2013

LOVE!!

    As a Latter Day Saint, I rely heavily on the Spirit of Revelation to lead my life on a daily basis. As I read inspired words, they give me a sense of self fulfillment in allowing me to see the fullness of life. I love the saying which states very candidly, "People don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care." With that being said, some may ask, "Well that is all fine and dandy and everything, but how does it really apply to the concept of marriage and family?" In writing this, I declare that in a relationship, no matter if it is a relationship with your spouse, or a bond with a child, we unflinchingly have to be the example in showing our love to them, for them to really allow for the full effect of our righteous lives to shine in their lives. If we want happiness in this life, then we have to be the leader, in our own way, to show them true and abiding love. There will be many opportunities to teach those in our families, but unless we first show an undivided interest in them, or an absolute sense of gratitude for them, then no profound impact from us will be radiated, to its fullness. It comes back to the whole concept of how "Actions Speak Louder Than Words." Love itself is not just a  warm fuzzy feeling that comes when two like each other, nor is it just a feeling of peace and serenity in a union. If you love someone, then you are going to put that concept into action. You are going to give graciously to those when they are in need and succor them when they feel down. Love is a life that is charitable and it testifies that as one gives more than they receive, then there is promised joy that is eminent to be.
     

Thursday, October 10, 2013

The Study of Cohabitation

This week I finished up a 3-4 page argumentative essay (which actually turned out to be 5 pages) on the study of Cohabitation. Last week I described kind of the spiritual and temporal effects that cohabitation has on the family, today I want to post a scholarly understanding of how cohabitation is a devastating force sweeping across continents.   (HERE IT IS!!)



The Destructive Nature of Cohabitation
Evidence is evidence, and when it becomes fact, there is no denial of its authenticity. In recent years it has become strikingly obvious that the disintegration of the family is becoming more prevalent on a daily basis. The joys of life are blockaded as all nations cease to teach correct moral principles, such as life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Those precise principles are essential in our individual communities, which allow our society to become unified in public virtue.  If this unity is not present in our neighborhoods, then we, as individuals, are more prone to choose a path in life that ultimately leads to unhappiness. When accurate values are clarified, especially in the family unit, we know of a surety that we can find strength in doing what is right. One trend that is giving way to more and more sorrow these days is a vacuum that is relentlessly sucking many people into its grasp. Cohabitation is a form of destruction because it allows us to think that it is acceptable to live together with someone of the opposite sex before marriage, it skews our morals by not allowing us to think clearly on what our whole purpose of this life really is, and it incapacitates the perception of todays youth.
Today, people living together without commitment is becoming the normal way of life. There are inherent consequences that come when two people cohabit before marriage. It can be seen that when a couple lives together, they are burdened with roadblocks that stand in the path of finding joy and pleasure in this life. Some examples of such roadblocks are those that lead to emotional and physical stresses, and also that of psychological health. With that knowledge, we can add that the biggest trial of premarital habitation is when individuals lose the desire to give their all to the person they like. This such problem deals with both repeated inatequacies.  The whole purpose of marriage is the process of two individuals taking upon themselves a covenant to love one other unconditionally. If that is not the foundation, then what is?  Lustful desires of the heart? A relationship that one wants to obtain, but has no desire to commit to? If that is the only reasoning in wanting to obtain a partner, then how is happiness truly going to be on the forefront of the mind continually? When people marry, the final result that presents itself is a committed union in which their whole lives are in unison to live and prosper. That is the kind of life that gives way to increased joy. In an article titled “The Verdict on Cohabitation vs. Marriage,” the author describes this understanding very well when he says:
Marriage by definition means, ”I will always be here for you.” Marrieds long-term contract encourages emotional investment in the relationship. In contrast, cohabitation for most seems to mean, ”I will be here only as long as the relationship meets my needs” (Larson, 2001, p. 9)
So what is the antidote for this grand dilemma? It is to allow for selfishness to be extinguished and true selflessness to be exemplified. If so, self-sacrifice will represent the opportunity of insignificant petty differences to be overcome and an increased desire to love your partner and seek after his or her best will to be magnified. If one does not perform such a routine, then the desire of that person’s heart is in the wrong place, and morally he or she is choosing the wrong path. The right path, on the other hand, is one that guides and directs our personal lives in helping us obtain the knowledge and understanding of life.
So what is the purpose of life, and why is it important to keep in mind such strict standards when it comes to a relationship? Life is full of decisions, and as we choose the path that leads to abiding happiness, we begin to see that morals begin to ingrain themselves in us to provide strength and encouragement to keep strong. As morals are lived and taught, the blessings of goodness begin to come in due time. We start to recognize that love is real and that actions speak louder than words. In the book Covenant Hearts, the author declares candidly a basic point of life that, if applied, will bring a greater self-fulfillment. He states,
“Still while marriage is difficult, and discordant and frustrated marriages are common, yet real, lasting happiness is possible, and marriage can be more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive. This is within the reach of every couple, every person . . . if both are willing to pay the price” (Hafen, 2005).
In understanding this idea, what is the price we have to pay, and how does it really bring so much joy?  As declared by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, in The Family: A Proclamation to the World, we learn that “successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities” (Presidency, 1995). The price that is paid as we follow this declaration will help build marriages and give people the knowledge of how lives are meant to be lived. Some may say with such candor that there is no specific way to live ones life, or in other words, that there is no such purpose of life, but that is all out blasphemy, especially when it comes to such grand decisions that will have a multi lifetime effect. In the consensus of one trying to disprove that cohabitation is ok, we can recognize that everyone is different and all people have different ways of perceiving existence, but no matter what choice you make, there is always a consequence that will follow; both good or bad. Those that are making such a deep decision of life should always remember that they are not only affecting their own lives, but the lives of their posterities for generations to come.
           It is important to realize that the perception of todays youth is very important. When all is said and done, the most important teaching experiences that will ever produce an impact on the future of the world will be within the walls of our homes. The choices that each family member makes determines the way that civilizations turn out. Families are what build communities, communities are what build neighborhoods, neighborhoods are what build states, and it replicates over and over until nations and the whole population of the world is created. It is true that families are the most important society on the face of the whole earth. As mothers and fathers, the realization comes when we understand how much of an impact immoral and unethical principles, no matter how insignificant we may think they may be, tend to demoralize and destroy the very fabric of society. If there is any desire left in the hearts of men to keep public virtue and individual sanity in place, then correct morals are a necessity and cannot be waived or become a thing of naught. It starts in the very behaviors of parents and children in each home. When the correct behavior is established then we will be able to see the fruits of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness prevail. In the Journal of Marriage and Family, we learn that “children in two-biological-parent cohabiting families and cohabiting stepfamilies exhibit significantly more behavioral and emotional problems than children living with two biological married parents, controlling for children’s characteristics” (Brown, 2004, p. 357). In taking this perspective and applying it to everyday life, the evidence that is shown is broadcast through all nations and countries. We as a human family need to stop destroying our lives by destroying the most important bond that can be obtained in this life, marriage.
In declaring these realities, there is an increased need for men and women on this earth to take the incentive to give themselves in marriage before they think about going the distance of living together or having children. The reason for such a statement, is so morally they can recognize the importance of giving their all, and not just increments of themselves. Their lives, and many other lives will be blessed, because, through it, they will recognize the importance of life and how marriage is the union that binds families together. Lastly, they will feel the need to be an example to their posterities so emotional and behavioral problems will not arise, but that lives will be lived in celestial spledor.

Reference Page


(Brown, S. L. (2004). Family structure and child wellbeing: the significance of parental cohabitation. Journal of Marriage and Family, 66(2), 351-367

(Hafen, B. C. (2005). Covenant hearts: Marriage and the joy of human love. Salt Lake City, Utah: Deseret Book.

(Larson, J. H. (2001). The verdict on cohabitation vs. marriage. Marriage and Families, 4(1), 7-12.

Presidency, F. Council of Twelve Apostles (1995, November), The family: A proclamation to the world.